Has Taylor Swift gotten “the ick”? Its her and Travis Kelce Real Cheerful? What did she whisper to him after that one game?
Questions like these and more have plagued Swift and Kelce’s relationship, but the couple hasn’t let them stop them from publicly flaunting their love. Their romance included concert screams, jumbotron-sized football cheers and plenty of PDA, with seemingly little regard for how many people are watching or what they might be thinking.
Experts say Swift and Kelce’s romance and fans’ reaction to it highlight the burdens that can arise when a relationship becomes public, whether the people involved are famous or not.
“When people start analyzing every micro-expression of the couple, it’s because they’re looking for data,” says Sara Nasserzadeh, the author of the book “Love by Design: 6 Ingredients to Build a Lifetime of Love.” “They gather to complete their stories in their own minds.”
Taylor Swift’s PDA from Travis Kelce is drastically different from her relationship with Joe Alwyn
Swift’s dating life has long been the subject of scrutiny and public speculation, so in that regard, the fuss surrounding her relationship with Kelce is nothing new.
What stands out to fans this time, however, is the freedom with which Swift and Kelce show their relationship to the world. It seems like a stark contrast to Swift’s previous relationship with actor Joe Alwyn, which lasted six years and saw the two rarely seen together in crowded places, let alone making public comments about each other or their relationship.
Mental health experts say keeping a relationship private or making it public is a decision every couple must make together. Each path has its benefits, but each also has its challenges.
One burden of the public route is that it gives people outside the relationship the ability to read signals about the health of the relationship, regardless of whether those signals are real or imagined. For example, after the Kansas City Chiefs’ Super Bowl victory, Kelce sang “Viva Las Vegas” into a microphone. The camera flashed to Swift’s facial expression, and many fans were sure she was feeling “the ick,” or a sudden feeling of disgust, toward Kelce.
“We call these types of body language microexpressions,” says Gary Brown, a certified marriage and family therapist. “What we see are snapshots. We see a couple at some point, but we don’t.” really know what the basis of their relationship is when they are not in front of a camera or microphone. What is the tone of their relationship? What is the quality of their relationship? What is the nature of their love? And so I think we really run the risk of overanalyzing to the point where our analysis can quite easily become flawed.”
We can’t stop watching: Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are packing on the PDA.
Going public with a relationship has pros and cons
Public scrutiny of a relationship will have different effects on different people. Those who are naturally extroverted may not mind being in the spotlight as much as those who are more introverted.
Having a public relationship also lends itself more easily to public support. You can celebrate milestones online and get affirmation from those who may not know you well but still stand up for you.
“Your fans can enjoy your journey as a couple and celebrate your happiness, and you can celebrate your love openly,” says Brown.
But making something public, especially when it comes to romance, risks creating trolls and naysayers. This doesn’t just apply to famous people. Ordinary people who initiate a relationship on social media or share a lame post about their partner must brace themselves for unwanted comments and intrusive questions from everyone, including disapproving family members, jealous exes and judgmental acquaintances.
These comments can negatively impact a person’s mental health, exacerbating issues such as anxiety and depression; so if you are going to date in public, you need to prepare for that.
“Any time we are exposed to unnecessary criticism, I think it can impact self-esteem and self-confidence,” says Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of “Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse.” “Your relationship is really no one’s business but you and one person.”
More: Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce and finding happiness and hate at the same time
What you need to know before making a relationship public
Sarkis adds that there are important things couples should consider when deciding whether to make a romance public or keep it a secret. They need to communicate and make sure they are on the same page about how public they want the relationship to be. This is essential for both famous and non-famous people.
“You have to make sure it’s mutual and that you agree to the terms of the relationship,” says Sarkis. “There should be parameters for what is going to be discussed. Is sex life being discussed? Are our conversations that you’ve had being discussed? What is the comfort level of each partner’s openness?”
Don’t feel rushed to get embarrassed either. It can be healthy for a couple to keep their romance just between them for a while before sharing it with others.
Also, always remember that what someone says about your relationship often has more to do with them than it does with you.
“It’s important to understand that when you post online, people will likely post things you don’t want to read, and it’s rarely personal,” says Sarkis. “It’s about that person, their projections, and not about you.”
Cuffing season has arrived. Don’t get into a relationship just because it exists.
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce and when going public becomes a burden